I mentioned how the Behind The Scenes (BTS) podcast is not only funny and entertaining but actually very stimulating and interesting, with many conversations around different topics that can resonate with many people within our community, especially the African community.
As professionals of African descent, we already discussed in our article how the pressure from our parents to achieve important roles in society comes, most of the time, from our parents love and their unrealized dreams when they migrate to the Western world.
We are now starting conversations with them and expressing the well-being, trauma, and fear we have been challenged with due to the high expectations not only from them but from other relatives, friends, colleagues, and society in general.
At the same time, we have to admit that the same pressure under which we have grown is one of the ingredients that made it possible to have a new generation of brilliant and successful diasporan professionals in different fields.
Our community in general, our ancestors, and our history have taught us to strive for what we do, fight, try every time, try harder, and give our best. Because if we do not give our best, it is not worth it, and we won’t be able to achieve our objectives. Also, we should not complain!
My mom has always told me, “You are good and the best in my eyes. You can do and be whatever you want.”
These words have followed me in all my education, from when I started to play tennis, entered medicine, started my specialization, and moved to the UK. And I am sure we, as African descendants, can all relate to this: our biggest fans have always been our parents.
Yes, there is a but.
Our parents, family, and African community are the ones to tell us that when elders are in the room and an aunt or uncle of African descent is speaking about something that may be totally wrong or you would like to give your view, they will tell you: “When elders are speaking, you do not speak”; “Do not be disrespectful and be quiet”, “ You do not know what you are talking about,”, almost forgetting all the years of study and education they have spent the money for.
One of the hosts of the BTS podcast realized this paradox that made them say “yeahhh…” quite loudly, sharing her experience in one work environment where, at that time, her line manager gave performance feedback and said that she was very competent and skilled, but she did not challenge enough other people (always paraphrasing). For her, it was eye-opening because she said that she couldn’t at first understand what the line manager was talking about and later also found a way to be more challenging, especially when other people and probably people of higher roles are talking. She finally started to realize where the problem probably came from: our community and culture.
I would add that for us women and black women, self-assertiveness is not seen as good or attractive by black men. Self-assertive women are not feminine enough or polite enough.
We are pushed to look for the best in education, but then we are not given the possibility to put our knowledge into practice among others. This can be reflected in other aspects of our lives, such as at work.
But nothing is lost or wasted. The first important thing, as always, is the acknowledgement. The second step is how we can change, improve, or implement the lesson learned.
We always have to consider that our parents have faced a similar situation. So even though they have been taught to be silent and quiet around elders at certain points, they have not. We need to find that point too, positively and constructively challenge others, and let our voices be heard.
Please check the video and let us know your thoughts and how we can challenge positively and constructively ourselves.
The Feminist Health CIC 